


say it now ('cause when i'm gone)

by BansheeLydia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Blind Date, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/F, Happy Ending, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Sexual Content, Unsafe Sex, teacher jennifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4472273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BansheeLydia/pseuds/BansheeLydia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>written for the Teen Wolf Femslash Bingo. </p>
<p>Kate sets Jennifer up on a blind date.  Turns out, her blind date is her ex girlfriend.</p>
<p>Naturally, things get a bit awkward from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	say it now ('cause when i'm gone)

**Author's Note:**

> kirasmalydia.tumblr.com/tagged/teen wolf femslash bingo
> 
> *nsfw. some explicit language. past alcoholism and past dysfunctional relationship. also mentions of domestic abuse from Jennifer's childhood and implied unsafe sex*
> 
> title from Lykke Li's 'I'm Good, I'm Gone'.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Jennifer stared at the woman in front of her. She couldn’t believe it. She was going to _kill_ Kate. She didn’t know how she’d set this up, how she even _knew_ , but there was no way this was a coincidence. 

She’d met Kate at work a few months ago and after weeks of trying to persuade her, Jennifer had finally agreed to let Kate set her up with one of her friends. It wasn’t like she was getting anywhere on her own. Her dating life was non existent. Her sex life was dead and buried. So, even though she’d sworn long ago that she’d never, _ever_ agree to a blind date, she’d let Kate set her up.

She wished she’d stuck to that promise to herself. Because as soon as she’d approached the table number Kate had given her, at the time Kate had stated, her heart sank. 

Kali took a sip of water, gaze on Jennifer’s, but didn’t say a word. 

“Are you serious right now?” Jennifer demanded. “Did you set this up?”

She shook her head. “No,” she insisted. 

Jennifer’s eyes narrowed, unsure whether to believe the other woman or not, but then she remembered Kate’s bribe to get her to agree to the whole thing: she’d prepaid for an expensive bottle of merlot for Jennifer and her date to share. 

She weighed it up, not looking away from Kali’s face, and finally decided, _screw it_. She wasn’t going to skip out on great, free wine. She’d suffer a brutal, awkward date with her ex girlfriend, drink some expensive wine, and forget this ever happened. Possibly after drowning her sorrows back home in a tub of ice cream while yelling at Kate over the phone.

She tossed her jacket over the back of the seat and sat down, tucking her bag under her legs. Kali looked at her, surprised, but it wasn’t like she was making any move to leave, either.

_Of course not_ , Jennifer thought to herself with a snort, _not with free alcohol on offer_.

*

She and Kali had been together for four years. They’d met when she was twenty two, finishing up college, and Kali was twenty four and ‘between jobs’. 

It all started at a convenience store; Saturday at two in the morning. It was a hot, sticky summer’s night. Jennifer could remember it clearly, the sensation of sweat sticking to the back of her thighs, the horrible feeling of hot, thick air leaving her unable to sleep, the occasional sting of mosquitoes in the air.

She’d gone to the store for milk, of all things. Unable to get any rest, even naked on a bare bed with her window open, it had occurred to her that she needed milk; the carton in the fridge had gone off, she’d discovered that morning from the sour taste in her coffee. Without any hesitation, she’d pulled on shorts and a tank top and gone to the convenience store across the road.

It was while she was stood in the refrigerated aisle, enjoying the relief of cool air on her bare skin, that she knew she needed cheesecake. She’d grabbed the milk and was reaching for the last chocolate cheesecake when a hand met hers.

She blinked, looking at the other woman, and her breath caught; she was gorgeous. Tall and lithe, with smooth dark skin and hair, and eyes that shone like ebony under the too-bright artificial lights. When Jennifer’s gaze met hers, she flashed a smile of straight, perfect teeth, retracting her hand.

“Last cheesecake,” she said. “I call dibs.”

“I _need_ it,” Jennifer blurted and maybe it was childish, but it was two in the morning and she needed some kind of comfort. Maybe a full belly would help her sleep.

“I’ll rock, paper, scissors for it,” the woman offered. 

Jennifer didn’t know why she said it. She just knew that this woman was gorgeous and she had this itch under her skin. She needed something – someone – to scratch it. “How about we share it,” she suggested. “I live just across the road.”

She’d just looked at Jennifer for a moment, like she was assessing her, before smiling. “Sure.”

They’d split the cost of the cheesecake and left the store together, the chime above the door signalling their exit. The woman’s hand rested casually on the small of her back as they walked and Jennifer was surprised at her lack of nerves. She just felt almost breathless with anticipation. She felt like this was right.

They didn’t speak as they climbed the stairs (Jennifer’s crappy apartment was a walk up on the fifth floor). When she let them in, Jennifer tossed her keys on the kitchen counter, placed the milk and cheesecake next to the fridge to put away later, and turned just in time for the woman’s arms to find their way around her waist, lips meeting instinctively.

“I don’t do this often,” Jennifer felt the need to promise between heated, desperate kisses. “I’m not a...” she trailed off with a moan as teeth scraped over the hinge of her jaw.

“Would it matter if you did?” she replied with a smirk, hands wrapping around the back of Jennifer’s thighs, lifting her slightly as a leg slotted between hers, keeping her on her tiptoes, completely at this woman’s mercy. A shiver raced down her spine, want, burning hot, coiling tight and heavy in her gut. 

“I guess not,” she replied breathlessly. “I-I’m clean, though.” Despite not having sex in close to six months (and unprotected sex never), she’d let her friends convince her to go with them to get tested at the college safe sex drive. 

“Me too.”

Maybe it was stupid to just believe it. A stranger’s words. It would be her own fault if she got an STD, but right now, in the quietness of her apartment, the thick air broken only by their soft pants, she just wanted this woman’s mouth on her.

It was what she’d needed, on a hot night like this: someone to share it with. Someone to feel the unbearable heat of their bodies with, skin slick with sweat as they moved together, lips sharing frenzied kisses, hands and tongues exploring, the whisper of their bodies sliding together filling her tiny bedroom. 

“Jennifer,” she whispered later, when they were naked and entwined on the bed, no longer caring that their skin stuck together with sweat, or how uncomfortably hot it was.

She still relished the way the name settled so easily on her tongue, how it suited her like her real name never had; wrapped around her in a sweet feeling of true identity. _This is me_.

Julia Bacari was the scared, lost, fragile thing, watching her mother bring home countless men, watching her father beat her for it.

Jennifer Blake was the woman she was now; strong. Determined. _Free_.

The woman turned her head, pressed her smile against her temple. “Kali,” she replied.

Finally, _finally_ , the hot weather broke and Jennifer heard the distant rumble of thunder. The loud patter of rain started outside and a soft breeze entered through the open window, caressing their skin, bringing with it sweet relief. 

She turned and tucked her face against Kali’s neck, hitching her knee over her hip, and smiled blissfully as Kali let her hand rest on the curve of her ass, other hand tangling in her hair.

She fell asleep to the sound of Kali’s heartbeat beneath her ear.

She woke before sunrise, still drowsy, but not enough to sleep more. She slipped from the bed, moving to the window. Lightning flashed, briefly illuminating the room, highlighting the sleeping woman on her bed, and a second later, thunder clapped loudly. She stretched, feeling droplets of rain hit her bare skin.

She jumped at the sensation of strong arms wrapping around her waist; she hadn’t even heard Kali move. She smiled, leaning back against her, and Kali pressed a kiss to the curve where neck met shoulder, her smile ghosting over Jennifer’s skin.

“Go to dinner with me,” she said softly.

Jennifer smiled. “Is that an order or a request?”

“A plea,” Kali replied easily, fingertips tracing a little loveheart on her hip, and Jennifer felt a giddy, schoolgirl kind of smile lift her lips. A tongue traced her pulse point, tasting the saltiness of her skin. “You’re intoxicating.”

Looking back, Jennifer could laugh at that. Clearly not enough, otherwise she wouldn’t have sought after a different kind of intoxication so much.

Instead, she’d smiled and turned, pressing a little kiss to the taller woman’s lips. “You can pick me up at seven.”

They’d swapped numbers. Kali had arrived at half seven and Jennifer, despite sitting on her couch in a brand new dress and shoes that hurt, had forgotten the anxious worry of the past half hour as soon as she’d seen the other woman on her doorstep. She didn’t take Jennifer out to dinner; she’d bought takeout. They ate in front of the TV, some stupid sitcom in the background as they talked and laughed and shared greasy kisses. After, they’d shared the cheesecake, soggy and kind of gross from being left out in the stifling heat, and, bellies full, taken eight steps from the couch to the bed, and tumbled onto the mattress, mouths and hands busy.

Jennifer had fallen in love, the way she’d never fallen for anyone else before: hard and fast and passionate. Like she couldn’t breathe when Kali wasn’t there. Like Kali was her oxygen, breathing life into her with each kiss and gentle caress. Like she couldn’t imagine a life without her.

It was a stupid, naive kind of love.

She finished college and moved in with Kali, into an apartment even crappier than her previous lease, on the bad side of town (a young couple with a crying baby and a quota of daily screaming matches on one side, a drug addict on the other), but it didn’t matter, because they had each other.

She landed her first job, as a sub teacher at a nearby high school, and she squealed when she told Kali. They celebrated with cheesecake and sex, their own little tradition, and Kali hadn’t found a job, not yet, but it didn’t matter, because they had each other.

Two years down the line, Jennifer got a better job, a permanent gig as an English teacher at a large high school and the pay was better. They got a better apartment, moved closer to the city, and Kali was still between jobs, but it didn’t matter, because they had each other.

Three years down the line, and Kali celebrated their anniversary the same way she celebrated the sunrise and the sunset every single day: with alcohol. Jennifer celebrated it with drinks with some asshole in a seedy bar, knowing that later, Kali would ask her, and she would be honest. And Kali would be jealous, just like she always was, over the tiniest little thing, and the screaming match would last for hours until they went to bed in a cold silence, but it didn’t matter, because they had each other. 

Until they didn’t.

Until Jennifer had had enough.

It started with lipstick. 

No, it actually started with vodka, just like it always did. She came home with aching feet and a girlfriend who was already drunk. Marking awaited her, but she changed, swapping her dress for jeans and a low cut top, her heels for low wedge boots, brushing her hair out until it was shiny and smooth.

All the while Kali watched her with glazed over eyes, her very expression accusing. Jennifer picked her red lipstick, the bright blood colored one, and applied a generous coat to her lips, pressing them together before sealing it. 

“So, who will it be tonight, _Jen_?” 

She closed her eyes at the familiar nickname, remembered all the times Kali had whispered it against her neck, had said it between laughter, had moaned it under Jennifer’s hands. Now it just sounded bitter.

“It’s just drinks with some work colleagues, Kali. I won’t be out too late.”

Kali just snorted and shook her head. “Am I not enough?” she asked, and it was with such sadness she said it that Jennifer paused, looking at her. Her heart softened for a second, until Kali added, harsher, “So, how many of them are you fucking?”

A whole second passed, just long enough for regret and guilt to cross Kali’s face, and Jennifer just... _snapped_.

Grabbed a suitcase from under the bed and started shoving random clothes in there. Not all of her things, but enough until she could collect the rest another time. Now, she just packed what she needed.

There was a shatter behind her, as Kali stood so fast she stumbled, accidentally swiping the bottle off the table. The sharp, burning smell of vodka hit Jennifer’s nose and she scrunched up her face.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving.”

“Leaving?” 

“Yes, Kali, _leaving_. Leaving this apartment, leaving this mess of a relationship, leaving _you_.” 

Jennifer turned, looking at her, trying to hold strong. Her resolve wavered at the heartbroken look on Kali’s face, but she thought of living like this for four more years, and it made her feel sick. “I’ll collect the rest of my things later.”

Kali stared at her, lips parted like she was going to say something, and, foolishly, Jennifer waited, _hoped_. But she paused, dropped her head, and didn’t say a single word, didn’t look at her. 

And Jennifer left.

*

Now, Jennifer looked across the table at Kali. 

She hadn’t seen her since she broke up with her and that was three years ago. She hadn’t heard anything about her; their mutual friends learned not to bring her up and eventually, Jennifer lost contact with them, too, as she started a new life, with a new job and a new apartment. She even had a cat. A cat that hated her, but still.

Kali looked well. Last time Jennifer had seen her, she was too skinny, her hair dry and limp, her eyes glassy and her skin dry, blotchy. She’d put some of that weight back on; she’d always been slim, but now she looked better. Her hair was glossy in dark, slightly wavy locks to her shoulders, and her skin looked healthy. Her eyes were clear and deep, shining that gorgeous ebony, and it reminded Jennifer, for a sudden, breath stopping moment, of the woman she’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

Before Jennifer could say anything, a waiter appeared with their bottle of wine, and she watched as he poured some into her glass. When he moved to Kali’s side, she shook her head and declined, and he set down the bottle on the table for them. 

When they were alone again, Jennifer levelled Kali with a look that didn’t hold back a single ounce of her surprise.

The other woman looked down, hand curled around her glass of water. “I don’t drink,” she said quietly.

Jennifer couldn’t help the scoff that escaped her, then winced; that was harsh. “Sorry.”

“No,” Kali pursed her lips. “I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t believe me, either. But...I’ve been sober for two and a half years.”

Jennifer didn’t know what to say. When she’d walked in and her gaze had landed on Kali, that definitely hadn’t been what she’d expected, but she was happy for her. Happy that she was sober, that she’d clearly pulled herself and her life back together.

“That’s amazing,” she offered. “Congratulations.”

Kali smiled and sipped her water. She was quiet for a moment before she said, “I swear, I didn’t know. Kate and I, we met at a support group for alcoholics. She helped me, a lot. She...convinced me that moving on and dating might be good. I had no idea she knows you, I promise. I wouldn’t have come, otherwise.”

Jennifer looked at her glass of wine, but knowing that Kali had struggled to overcome her addiction, it no longer appealed to her. For a moment, she was stuck on the fact that Kali hadn’t dated anyone since her, kind of surprised by that.

“Okay,” she said. “I believe you.”

Kali nodded and just gazed at her for a long moment. “You look well,” she said quietly.

Jennifer didn’t know how to reply to that, so she switched subject instead, “I work at BHHS now. I’m the Head of the English Department.”

“That’s great,” Kali smiled. “You did it.”

She couldn’t help the smile that pulled on her lips in return. She remembered all the times she and Kali stayed up, talking about their dreams – or, rather, Jennifer’s dreams. She didn’t mention that she’d achieved her dream by cutting Kali out of her life. All the vitriol that had entered her when she’d first seen the older woman had drained as soon as she found out she was sober. 

“So, what are you up to?” she tried to keep her tone casual, but she wanted to know. Was Kali still in that crap apartment? Wasting her days?

“I’ve been living with my cousin, Alisha, for a couple of years,” Kali replied. “But I’ve just signed the lease for an apartment, on the outskirts of town. The new development area?”

Jennifer nodded; she knew it. It was a nice area. 

“I’m actually training to be on the police force,” Kali said, a wry little smile on her face.

Jennifer tried not to laugh, she really did, but she couldn’t help the little snort of laughter at that. All the times Kali had shoplifted, a bottle of vodka here, a pack of cigarettes there, and now she was going to be a cop. She felt rude laughing, but Kali’s face lit up and she laughed too.

It felt nice to laugh. It felt even nicer to laugh with Kali, reminding her of all the good times they shared; laughing at one another’s cheesy jokes, giggling as they accidentally tickled each other during sex, being comfortable enough to laugh their loudest, most unattractive laugh in front of each other when they watched TV. 

It was almost like being back in time. They still had so much in common. That easy companionship settled over them and for a second, Jennifer wished she was back in time, sharing that beautiful first year with the woman she loved, before things turned rotten. Before Kali ruined her.

“Jen,” Kali said softly when they’d sobered. 

The nickname stopped her short, heart sinking, because it brought back the bad memories. The months of heartbreak and being up at two in the morning, crying her eyes out as she longed to be with Kali again. 

“I have so many regrets,” she said quietly. “So many. The drinking, the jealousy, the way I treated you. But I know what my biggest mistake and regret are.”

Jennifer swallowed, met her gaze and just held it. “And they are?”

“My biggest mistake is losing you,” she said softly.

Her breath caught. “And your regret?”

“Letting you walk out that door without telling you I love you, just one more time.”

Jennifer looked down, taking a deep, slightly shaky breath. “Kali...if I hadn’t walked out, we would have destroyed each other. When I left you, I got my life back on track. You sobered up, you pulled yourself together. It was the best thing for us.”

“I know,” Kali replied. “I owe so much to you, Jen. From the moment I met you, I’ve owed you so much.”

Jennifer rubbed her hands over her face. God, this was such a bad idea. Those same feelings from the moment she’d first brushed fingers with Kali in the convenience store came rushing back and she squeezed her eyes closed for a moment. She shouldn’t have stayed.

“You were so jealous,” she said, “All of the time. No matter what I did. I never cheated, Kali, not once.”

“I know that,” Kali said softly. “Once I quit the drink, I was a lot clearer in the head. I knew you’d never cheat on me. The jealousy...was partly me,” she admitted, “But it was the drink that made me act the way I did. Treat you the way I did.”

“Kali...”

“I know that sounds like an excuse. And I know that the only way I can prove it to you is with time.”

“This was a bad idea,” Jennifer shook her head, chair scraping back. “I can’t do this.”

She reached for her bag with a shaking hand, but Kali’s soft, quiet voice stopped her.

“I never stopped loving you.”

“ _That’s not fair_.”

“I know,” Kali swallowed, looked up at her. “I know and I’m sorry, but I...I had to say it this time. One last time before you walked out.”

Jennifer should leave. She should walk out and not look back. But she’d never stopped loving Kali, either. Even the broken bits of her that she hadn’t been able to put back together, she adored. All the dates since, the sex, the kisses...they weren’t right, because they weren’t Kali.

And maybe it would happen again. Maybe they’d destroy each other. Maybe she’d have to walk away again. But she wouldn’t know unless she gave it a shot.

Slowly, she sank back into her seat. Kali looked at her, with this heartbreaking expression like she didn’t dare hope. Jennifer reached out and let their fingers brush and she felt twenty two and exhilarated all over again.

“One chance,” she said softly. “And we take it slow. We date first.”

Kali smiled, eyes lighting up. “I won’t let you down again, Jen. I promise.”

Jennifer smiled. She let her fingers wrap around Kali’s wrist, stroking her thumb over her pulse point.

“I believe you.”

*

Three years, dozens of dates, and a house to themselves with their cat later, and Jennifer eased back in her seat, hand on her swollen belly, clad in white satin and lace as she watched Kate stand to give her speech.

Next to her, Kali smiled and leaned over, kissing her new wife’s cheek. She placed a hand on her stomach to feel their baby kick, a delighted look taking over her face. Jennifer gazed at her fondly, placing her hand over Kali’s, entwining their fingers and watching the gold of their bands flash in the light. 

“...I had absolutely no idea that they even knew each other,” Kate continued. “Let alone that they used to date.”

The other guests chuckled and Kate gave a little sheepish shrug, like, _what can you do?_

“But,” she added, looking over the couple, “I think it worked out quite well, don’t you?”

Laughter filled the room at that and Jennifer and Kali looked at each other, sharing a rueful smile.

_Yeah_ , Jennifer thought, _I think it did_.

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: I wanted to shift Jennifer and Kali's relationship from werewolf to human for this, but keeping a lot of the elements as close as possible. In the show, it's heavily implied that Kali's betrayal is what ruined Jennifer (though whether she had that potential already is debatable); in this, it's Kali's jealousy and alcoholism that ruins Jennifer. in the show, Jennifer isn't exactly a saint either (and arguably, was not before Kali's betrayal; after all, I imagine being an emissary can involve making decisions that require that potential for darkness); in this, Jennifer deliberately feeds Kali's jealousy. 
> 
> but because I just love this ship so much, I couldn't help but give it a happy ending. no evil magic, no werewolves, just two women finding each other again, this time in better circumstances.
> 
> kirasmalydia.tumblr.com - come say hello? :)


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